Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
