i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
