someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
