I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
