a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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