Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
