JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
