The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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