i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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