that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
