Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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