I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
