I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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