Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
