Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
