We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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