would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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