There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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