So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
