No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
