I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
