you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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