What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize