I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize