well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Houston, we have a blender
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
