dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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