also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
