He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
