oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
