no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize