I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
