Your face is a jimmy john
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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