so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Green mimosas i think yes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
