You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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