The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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