I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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