who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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