What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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