a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
