just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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