i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
