New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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