I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize