I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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