end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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