a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
