I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I looked at my own cervix.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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