why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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