I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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