WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
