She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
