I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
