Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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