gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
