Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she peed on how many people?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
