Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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