she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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