The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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