You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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