when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
