There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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