I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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