she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
