Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
