The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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