I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
