Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize