physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
