Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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