get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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