Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
