I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
