i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize