he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
