I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
