Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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