I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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