shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize