Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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